peek-a-boo

today i am small

we're carving out our names

sheila

perfect sheila

the rosy crucifixion

"Nobody can feel better than the man who is completely taken in. To be intelligent may be a boon, but to be completely trusting, gullible to the point of idiocy, to surrender without reservations, is one of the supreme joys of life".

this is my hiding place

round here, we stay up very very late

round here, we're carving out our names,
round here, we all look the same.

close enough to be your ghost

we sat and waited for the sun and whatever there was to come

let's be green, he said, let's eat lemons, let's make love let's write short stories about our lives in the sea.

i was grey and brown. i was dark and dry.

it's a glorious day, he said, the rain pouring down his smile, thunders growing louder than his voice, lightning burning at his face. let's bathe into the rain and sun and whatever there is to come.

i was cold and old, my face making all the bad grimaces, my eyes staring into the distance, my body feeling like a thousand years old.

let's go out and meet people, let's tell them stories, the stories of our lives, let's answer their questions about life and love and whatever there is to come.

i looked and looked into the distance and saw no one. i looked and looked and there was no one. i looked at him and he was not there. i looked and looked and felt i was alone.

i turned my back to him. i silenced. i closed my eyes and closed my mind. i ran.

it's been a while now.

tonight the rain falls like way back. my thoughts haven't moved. not an inch. they sting and ache and bite at me. i am older now. i am grey and brown. darker. colder. i am quiet. i don't see people and i don't answer their questions. i don't look at them. for them, i don't exist, just as, back then, they seemed to me invisible.

i don't cry and i don't see beneath the rain

shut up i am dreaming of places where lovers have wings

you were wrong

today started foggy and dark and fast-paced.
white beautiful building associated with bad feelings.
trees.
branches.
cold.
there's a little green house in front of me, with its little picket fence and a pile of wood for the fire on the side.

waiting for the the day to sun up.

the things you love will destroy you

I am hedgehog

today: messy