we sat and waited for the sun and whatever there was to come

let's be green, he said, let's eat lemons, let's make love let's write short stories about our lives in the sea.

i was grey and brown. i was dark and dry.

it's a glorious day, he said, the rain pouring down his smile, thunders growing louder than his voice, lightning burning at his face. let's bathe into the rain and sun and whatever there is to come.

i was cold and old, my face making all the bad grimaces, my eyes staring into the distance, my body feeling like a thousand years old.

let's go out and meet people, let's tell them stories, the stories of our lives, let's answer their questions about life and love and whatever there is to come.

i looked and looked into the distance and saw no one. i looked and looked and there was no one. i looked at him and he was not there. i looked and looked and felt i was alone.

i turned my back to him. i silenced. i closed my eyes and closed my mind. i ran.

it's been a while now.

tonight the rain falls like way back. my thoughts haven't moved. not an inch. they sting and ache and bite at me. i am older now. i am grey and brown. darker. colder. i am quiet. i don't see people and i don't answer their questions. i don't look at them. for them, i don't exist, just as, back then, they seemed to me invisible.

i don't cry and i don't see beneath the rain