imi place sillitoe :)
“I was born dead, i keep telling myself. Everybody’s dead, i answer. So they are, i maintain, but then most of them never know it like i’m beginning to do, and it’s a bloody shame that this has come to me at last when i could least do with it, and when it’s too bloody late to get anything but bad from it.
Then optimism rides out of the darkness like a knight in armour. If you loved her... (of course i bloody-well did).... then you both did the only thing possible if it was to be remembered as love. Now didn’t you? Knight in armour goes back into blackness. Yes, i cry, but neither of us did anything about it, and that’s the trouble”.
Alan Sillitoe, “The Fishing-Boat Picture”
“All of which will make me think twice about how black i sometimes feel. The black coal-bag locked inside you, and the black look it puts on your face, doesn’t mean you’re going to string yourself up or sling yourself under a double-decker or chuck yourself out of a window or cut your throat with a sardine-tin or put your head in the gas-oven or or drop your rotten sack-bag of a body on to a railway line, because when you’re feeling that black, you can’t even move froim your chair. Anyway, i know i’ll never get so black as to hang myself, because hanging don’t look very nice to me, and never will, the more i remember old what’s-his-name swinging from the light-fitting. (...) because you know, i shan’t ever kill myself. Trust me. I’ll stay alive half-barmy till i’m a hundred and five, and then go out screaming blue murder because i want to stay where i am”.
Alan Sillitoe, “On Saturday Afternoon”